Sorry that it has been a little while since I posted. There have been a great many things going on in my life this week. My wife started classes again for her BSN and I have been the first line of defense for reviewing her papers. I have been busy with the accounting close at the office.

The biggest impediment continues to be my own struggles in my spiritual life and for some reason, I respond exactly as the enemy wants me to; I back away from the things that help me get closer to God. I know the enemy is really getting to me when I don't post on other blogs. Satan really had me thinking that my spiritual troubles should keep me from expounding on any issues related to faith.

Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back: we received a letter from our church that the Sunday Contemporary service had been "postponed" due to financial issues. Needless to say, it was a rough week.

After going today to one of the last Contemporary Services for a while this morning, I wanted to delve into some spiritual stuff that has been coming to a head in my life for a while now.

I have been pretty involved in my church since I started attending there. I don't really feel a need to jump into everything that I do, that is not important. The important thing is this: I have been debating for months about leaving my church to go to one closer to home. I have a great deal of friends at my current church and I feel that the clergy there appreciate the things that I do and the passion I bring to the community. The biggest problem is this: though my soul is eternally fed through the service that I provide, I still need something more from Sunday service to make it whole. I need teaching and to be challenged by sermons and the enthusiasm in the worship service.

As we all sat in the service and lamented of its "postponement," I could not help but feel sad. Even though it was stressed that this was temporary, it did not feel that way. Pastor Burt shared a few things with the group. These are not quotes, but the gist of the conversations that he shared with us.

He shared that even though it was the giving campaign, he was not going to sit and beg for money, instead, he reminded all of us that we should "give ourselves first to the Lord, even though sometimes where God wants us to lead us is not where we want to go." When your relationship is right with Christ, all other things fall into place, including giving. You are called to make a decision not to conform to your own or someone else's desires. He said that he understood if some of us are not at a point where they will be able to go back to the stuffy service downstairs (our service is in a loft.) He asked us to pray and let God work to allow us to be back worshiping upstairs as soon as possible.

In all the sadness and he confusion one thing God continued to show me was the following scripture:

All this seems to make a little sense considering the other things that have been occurring in my life, gradually leading me somewhere else. I posted this little diddy about a month ago and sometimes feel like I may be "church shopping" if I leave my current church, but I feel God is calling me to do something a little different. My heart calls for more input, more challenge, more worship. If I go, I will miss the clergy, the staff, my classmates....all the reasons I have not tried to move in the past. If I go, I may actually be challenged to the level that I feel the Lord is calling me. In the end, if I do not give myself to the Lord, and surrender, then whether I leave or not, I will never be at peace.

As I finish this post out, I ask this, please pray for my church. There are some financial issues that I do not even understand. There is a need for pray that the church may follow God's will in all that they do and, ask Pastor Burt said, "give ourselves first to the Lord, even though sometimes where God wants us to lead us is not where we want to go."